jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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