During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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