Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize