He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
