and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
