dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
