The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
