How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We left an ass print on the piano.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
