dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
