i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
