Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
