there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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