if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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