Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
