How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
