so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
