Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
