does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
