Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize