I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
