she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
