but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
