I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
