she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
