Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
