end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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