Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
