im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
