It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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