...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
