Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
