if i can run in heels then i can drive
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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