It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm really busy with my period
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