I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
