Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
