the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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