one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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