My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
