I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
