They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
