he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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