If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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