I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
