I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
porn star boner night. come get it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
