dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
