Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
