Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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