just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
