Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
