i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
