so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
