her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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