How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
