she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
