there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
