you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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