I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
