I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
