he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
