I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you never un-have a 4some
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
