Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
