Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
