you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
