he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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