I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why did my mother make you get naked?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
